Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Please do NOT put a lable of "favourite" on the child. It is not as simple as that! It is strictly a matter of loyalty - and loyalty can often be misunderstood and at times, misplaced!

Look at the two most secure things in her life:

Her job - if ANYTHING, it is her only "real" security, especially if this is a second "marriage," or whatever! Nothing and noone is a guarantee in life, anymore. At least not like it was 40++ years ago when one would "stick it out" for the kids...(and, like that was ever really healthy, either...)

Her first son, who has always been (even before your son), and by virtue, HAD do give her his loyalty, just to survive, (and she responded appropriately - maybe not rightiously in your eyes, but appropriate to her perceptions (and, I will NOT condemn her for the stand she took, no matter how unfair it may seem to you!)

Her boss guarantees her survival - beyond your son (for who knows what may happen in the future...)!!!

In the world of Black and White, these two people (who represent loyalty GIVEN (first son) and loyalty SHOWN first (her boss), in her mind, may represent security - security, which after all, is given mostly when loyalty is shown (by her and longer). As a woman, it is very hard to "believe" in the "saving graces" of a husband these days (and guess what? Most "other sons of another man" are not that readily accepted over their "own" children...

[quote/] Now he is drinking to "take the edge off her rages". Neither are receptive to counseling. [\quote]

His drinking is HIS PROBLEM - not hers! This is the way HE IS CHOOSING TO DEAL WITH THIS ISSUE! So is both their refusal to accept counselling.

[quote/]SHe does not allow my son to discipline her son, but of course he can discipline his daughter. (The son is not my son's child)

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Nor should she. For the most part, he cannot, legally, touch him. He can discipline (and should have certain authority, over) him in other ways, but touch him? Learn your laws!

[quote/]Yes, the son is obviously her favorite, and as so clearly explained to me by those responding, I understand she could be actually not "seeing" the son's misbehavior since he is her favorite.

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DO NOT MISINTERPRET WHAT IS BEING SAID... I CAN SO 'HEAR' WHAT YOU WANT TO 'HEAR,' here...

Do not think that your grand-daugher is NOT as loved. Do not place your assumptions over your daughter-in-law's feelings! After all, her daughter is still HER CHILD!!!! If there is cause to believe there is unjustice between the two, then by all means, intervene.

If you are, indeed, a psych student, then I suggest you do much more research - and keep an objective view....

For as you speak in your posts, I am getting the impression that you are just looking for ammo!!! Someone truly interested in psychology would be taught to be OBJECTIVE!

Can you be? Even when it concerns your son, and "real" grand-daughter??

In your heart, what does it mean to you to accept a child of "no blood" to you? Can YOU consider loving him as your own?? Do not be offended...many admit to this very intimate bias...

As a professional, I ask you to reconsider what you have wrote thus far.

Altered State