Hi TJ, I know it''s got to be real hard for you in there and maybe a feeling of helplessness, hopelessnes, lack of control over your situation/surroundings............but you know you are taking some control over what's going on and you're just as big a part in things than it maybe feels like.
Now you know you weren't going to walk in there, and they just maybe make it better and better day by day, it's completely understandable how you may feel worse, frustrated, angry, anxious, defensive...........It can take time to work through being there and with the right help "getting back on your feet".
But you have in amongst all of that been taking control of getting help, and reaching towards making things work:
You could have judged them on not knowing your medical issues after the operation;
You could have quite easily ignored the nurses advise on not insisting on going for risk of sectioning;
You've made the decision to stick with it before;
You've opened up a bit to your wife while there;
You've been as understanding as you can about the catheter situation;
You've relented on the calming meds;
Now those things are big!!!
So I know some aspects must seem really tough, hang in there and try your best to make things work for you. And if you're feeling anything in particular isn't helping you just try telling the staff, hey?? There may be some things they can help you with or if you're feeling the meds aren't really helping again just speak out about it. I know it may not be easy but try to put your feelings into words (as you have quite clearly here ).
And definitely tell someone if you're feeling bullied or intimidated by anyone too btw!!
Still I've got to say good on you for sticking with it, for whatever reasons for so long!! Whatever gets you the help you need, right?
And as for this:
"I'll just continue to be left alone and nothing will be done.
I truly feel like I've given up... I don't want to say that.. I don't want to upset others... Just I don't know what else to do... I'm in a safe place and I am not safe"
Don't forget WE haven't given up on you, we're still here for you............and while WE haven't given up on you.............!!!! You might need to speak up a little more where you're at?? But we're behind you!!!
Alison