I grew up much like you... It sucks and it's hard to even be alive afterward. I understand.

What I did was observe one person over time to figure out whether or not he was trustworthy in general. Then, I worked hard to open to him, little by little. I'm still constantly afraid I chose wrong. I quickly figured out I was only getting so far by myself, but yearned for that connection, so I sought therapy. When asked what my goal was, it was very simply to be able to open up to anyone, but specifically this person. Once I trusted her, I told her everything about him and she confirmed my initial idea that he was worth the trouble and I could trust him. I would've still looked for her to meet him, but it wasn't feasible. Every day, I'm still struggling with it, but I have managed to open up to several people here, and I've gotten better in general about it... With the right person, I even over share now. It feels better that constantly being on edge.

I don't know if that helps any... Just thought I'd let you know you're not alone, even if it feels like it. I hope it gets easier for you.

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