So I had yesterday my first session. Well it was not a session actually but merely a first appointment. I am getting through a depressive episode with constant suicidal ideations again and unbearable as it I decided to go to a doc to, as the therapist is not allowed to make a diagnosis or give meds.

Thing is that the doc could not give me meds yet, which makes sense of course , but he asked to see me again in three weeks with a friend of mine or my mother, so he cad ask them how THEY see my symptoms. Mom is not here and where I live I only have a friend, who knows about my mood swings but he doesn't seem to believe me that much or anything and he doesn't know anyway what I am going through as I have learned to hide myself while depressed. And I really don't want to involve him in this madness of mine. I really have no idea what to do. Moreover I am really afraid that the doc will possibly won't believe me but he will rather base the diagnosis on what my friend will tell him. And the fact that I have no known bipolar or mental illness case (only suspect some) run in my family makes stuff worse. I mean genes can run in your family for generations before they come out again.

Let alone the fact I believe that my friend has abandoned me cause he can't stand my mood swings anymore. I mean who would want such an unstable person in their life?? One must be really committed, I guess..

Sorry for the long post.