Thanks that all makes so much sense. Just trying to find a doctor/therapist would always make me so much worse that I'd stop looking... But I went to and choose one, knowing this was a real possibility because of family history. I was a wreck leading up to visit. Couldn't even work the days before it.

During first session I had unusual experiences. Example: at one point I remember looking at her directly and wondering why I had been looking down/away. Had no sense of how long I had been doing that! Yet I know before I was talking about my childhood (least I think.)

I get the sense an alter talked to her - maybe even identified itself.

What I'm wondering is if an alter revealed itself to therapist in first visit (evaluation) is that a good sign for treatment?

Just so you know point I'm at. I know I cannot keep living like this. Someone reentered my life that sends me into bad state when I feel that person is not safe. Getting help is no longer an option. This week I even told an older relative who's been providing emotional support through some ruff times this could be the diagnosis - yet it still scares me (guess that's normal.)

But thinking of my youth, and extreme category my therapist put it in, that is probably the only way a child could survive.