Quote:
Originally Posted by Onward2wards
I want to go beyond self-esteem, or assertiveness, or self-confidence for a minute. I need to talk about self-concept, literally who do you think you are.
I realize that a lot of the negative assumptions I make and the self-defeating behaviors and anxieties I experience, are due to a negative self-concept. I think "am I the kind of person who <insert ability to get a need met here>", "does <desired kind of event> happen to the kind of person I am?" and all too often the disturbing answer I get from deep inside is "no, sucks to be you". This IS depressing and this DOES generate situational anxiety! I don't fully grasp how to change this, but it's critical to me that I DO change this.
Does anybody have any ideas about how this can be best accomplished? I've tried a few things but I'm still not there yet.
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I really hear you on this. I notice that often the first thing that comes to mind in the morning is a negative thought about myself. It's as if a negative self-concept is part of the basic bootstrap program for my consciousness. For me, I think it probably has a lot to do with core shame from early in my life where I learned that I should not expect to have my needs met, be cared for consistently, and that the world was a cruel and unpredictable place.
The best advice I can give you is the advice I give myself: You have have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Take positive ACTION and DEMONSTRATE to yourself that you are a person that deserves good things. You can only demonstrate that to yourself by continuing to act in spite of the way you feel/think on any given day.
I am a climber, and so I often use metaphors and analogies from climbing. Sometimes to make the summit you just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other until you get the perspective change at the top. Even if it seems like you'll never make it, it hurts too bad, etc.