My birthday is Jan 1, and I can totally relate. I go to other people's birthday parties all year, and sometimes even help with the planning, but I have never had a birthday party. Well, that's not totally true, because as a kid I would have a birthday party, but never on my actual birthday. So I haven't had a birthday party since I was about 12. Growing up, my mother would always throw an annual New Year's day drop in party for her friends, and it was never a celebration of my birthday, so we didn't do anything I wanted to do. I finally told her that I didn't like that when I was 15, and it hadn't even occurred to her.

On my birthday every year people are too tired and hung over to do anything. I try to celebrate on New Year's Eve instead, but that's a NYE party celebration, and most years it sucks.

In the past 10 years my immediate family all have spent New Year's eve and Jan 1 together, but I have not been invited. My sister lives about 2 hours away by ferry, and she has a big house. She has invited my brother and his wife and kids, and my mom and her husband, and some of her friends over for NYE. They don't invite me because I'm single and have no kids. When I asked about it, they told me they figured I had something better to do. I don't have anything better to do. Some years I've been alone, and some years I've been with a friend or 2, doing nothing. It would be nice to be included.

So, yeah, my birthday is totally depressing too. Plus, I start thinking about the years that have passed, and all the things that haven't worked out. There are lots of things that are good about my life, but I always get stuck on the mistakes and disappointments.

I don't know what to tell you as encouragement, except that I really relate, and I'm sorry you have to deal with it. I don't think people are being intentionally insensitive, but it's hard not to feel like you don't matter.

I'll be thinking of you on July 4.