I continue to see my T once a week. We talk. And talk. I am not getting better. If anything, my c-PTSD is getting worse. At home and increasingly in public, I am affected by my disease with thoughts that make me angry. For some reason, my brain seems to be attacking me. I can't turn it off. I am finding no relief from the anger and inner rage.

Spirituality does not help. I have given up religion. I dislike meditation classes because of the religious aspect. Prayer is a waste of time; so is going to mass.

I do not do well socially. Never have. I don't enjoy the company of others much. All I want are friends even though I am not a lot of fun to be with. I don't understand interpersonal communication and relations at all.

I have exhausted most options. Tried almost all types of therapy. Recently, I was turned down for an in-depth dialectical behavior therapy program. The counselor suggested I try EMDR but I am not too keen on it.

It must be that I am too sick to make any progress. There is nothing for T's to work with - the childhood neglect and abuse I suffered was too damaging. The ostracization and bullying I received as an adult made things even worse. I guess I am a lost cause.