I think it is very normal to feel the way you are feeling. the whole experience was very traumatic for you. you were not respected and treasured as you should have been. you had all this pressure put on you by your parents, which is unrealistic for this day and age..i know that..my mom brainwashed me to believe if I ever wore a tampon I wouldn't be a virgin...everything came down to being a virgin with her. so you must have a multitude of mixed emotions over losing your virginity before marriage in such an unloving way. when the right guy comes along he will make up for this and you will lose your fears. welcome to psych central. you will find that we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome