Yeah, I was self harming and without going into detail the earphones were considered a risk.

My anxiety is rising at the moment so trying to write this as fast as I can before it turns to gibberish. Wife and mum have just left, were here for near on 6 hours and during that time I stabilised and actually felt normal, lucid and able to chat at reasonably full capacity.

My mum was obviously upset, she didn't know how bad it had been and when she saw the cuts she had to walk out for a bit. I guess I stayed as calm as I possibly could for her sake (been a few wobbles but for the most part I was putting a brave face on so she wouldn't worry)

They've gone now though and I'm returning back to being sad and scared. Visits are great but the depart is horrible.

Had some bad news today, the isolation room will be out of use come Monday so I'm going to have to return to the main dorms. I think my anxiety this week has flared really badly with the constant bedlum and reminder of where I am when forced with others and it's been counterproductive in so much as anxiety attacks that had eased off over the last year through therapy and cbt have come back full force leading to irrational bouts that in turn have led to excessive self harm.