Thanks Alison

I am trying but I seem to be hamstringing myself by being honest. There have been points today that I have been flat out suicidal. I say that now in the tense of what's been happening.

They have confiscated as much items that they deam risk factors which now include my shoe laces, phone charger and though I still get to keep my gum in a small plastic bag, the plastic and foil sachets are being emptied and kept as I had used them for si.

This has mostly been put in place by my contact nurse who spoke with me for a good while and listened. She gets what I'm saying to this place having flared up my thoughts and actions but in turn has said that due to what I am exhibiting they simply cannot let me go home as they believe I'd be at more risk there without help or observation.

I'm on 10 min observation checks and got a feeling they consider me a flight risk which could put pay to me seeing my t on Monday.

Got very frustrated talking to the nurse and my agitation was not a good bed fellow.

Going to try my hardest to use my grounding exercises.

Wife and mum have both told me that my health comes before work and that I don't need to worry about that. That my recovery is key and should I loose my job, it will probably be a mercy rather the end of the world.

Relented to eating a yoghurt just now and god knows how many tablets to swallow to bring down the agitation.... Punched the wall which I think scared the nurse... I apologised immediately and insisted that should she at any point feel uncomfortable... We can talk elsewhere or she can have someone else in with her... I just didn't know what else to do with the flood of frustration boiling up.

She advised that at this stage and unless I improve, ill be here awhike