I was really a wreck this morning. Everyone I talked to, I ended up getting weepy with. I am feeling guilty for feeling this bad (because really, on paper my life isn't so bad...it is rather great), feeling like I am not the mother to my kids (one of whom is going through something big right now) that they deserve. I am barely keeping up at home. My amazing boyfriend is very patient and loving and I want to be the person I really am...not like this.

So because I just couldn't stop crying (which oddly felt better than feeling NOTHING) I ended up taking a klonopin (1 mg, to see what the effect would be compared to ativan, 1 mg). It hit me harder, and now I just feel flat. I did manage to get a few things done though, which I guess is something.

I guess I am just now counting the days until my pdoc appt. Whether it is the extraordinary stress I have been under, or these meds I am on aren't quite right...or a bit of both factors, I am just sick of it all and want to feel like life is worth living again