I think I am overwhelmed. I have so much to do and feel like I cant do any of it. I wish there was an easy out. I dont think I am suicidal, but wish I was dead. I keep pushing myself to keep well, but I am ready to give up now. Its such a struggle all the time. I do my best every day but it is so bloody tiring. I want to cry for help to my friends but they have been so supportive and I have lost a few in the last few months due to my mixed episode and I do not want to scare them with my thoughts. And there is not much they can do. An encouraging conversation may help but I need to learn to do that myself.

Now I am starting to panic, getting the "I cant do this" thoughts. Filled with agitation, restlessness, disappointment, pain, strong negative energy that is eating me up inside. But I am too depressed to move. I feel like my heart is just going to stop beating because everything is so overwhelming. I wish it would.