So I just broke up with my partner 2 weeks ago. It was a mutual decision, we both thought it was for the best. My therapist and I had talked about it before it happened and she believed I would make it through without it triggering depression or a mixed episode which has been really prevalent since I got the mirena inserted.

I am doing all I can to stay stable. I have plenty to keep me occupied. I have some big goals to work towards and I am keeping a healthy diet and good sleep routine. I have a decent support network but it has been harder without the boyfriends support.

But there are days I want to give up. Today I feel completely overwhelmed. I do not want to end up in hospital again. That to me would be the biggest failure. But I really feel unsafe today.

I am filled with this angry manic energy, huge amounts of self loathing and agitation, yet I feel so low and having many of my physical depression symptoms (lethargy, nausea, lack of appetite, zero motivation etc).

I have distractions, but I get so frustrated with them. I cant enjoy a shower as my hot water doesnt work, meditation leads to suicidal idealation, I feel too physically ill for the bike or yoga. Maybe I just need to push myself more but I am so worried I will just snap and do myself some damage.

Any suggestions or words of support? I guess I am really stuck right now. Thanks in advance.