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Originally Posted by unguy
I continue to see my T once a week. We talk. And talk. I am not getting better. If anything, my c-PTSD is getting worse. At home and increasingly in public, I am affected by my disease with thoughts that make me angry. For some reason, my brain seems to be attacking me. I can't turn it off. I am finding no relief from the anger and inner rage.
Spirituality does not help. I have given up religion. I dislike meditation classes because of the religious aspect. Prayer is a waste of time; so is going to mass.
I do not do well socially. Never have. I don't enjoy the company of others much. All I want are friends even though I am not a lot of fun to be with. I don't understand interpersonal communication and relations at all.
I have exhausted most options. Tried almost all types of therapy. Recently, I was turned down for an in-depth dialectical behavior therapy program. The counselor suggested I try EMDR but I am not too keen on it.
It must be that I am too sick to make any progress. There is nothing for T's to work with - the childhood neglect and abuse I suffered was too damaging. The ostracization and bullying I received as an adult made things even worse. I guess I am a lost cause.
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You are not alone. Psychodynamic psychotherapy is useless for PTSD. It IS useful for personality disorder which is a component of childhood ptsd. Many people ago are now diagnosed with c-ptsd have been correctly diagnosed with personality disorders. For some reason those diagnoses cause offense or create resistance, so the c-ptsd dx is more popular.
My rule of thumb is that if the trauma was one that happened when you needed to be able to*get adult assistance to understand what happened, you need therapy.
EMDR can get you flooded, especially of you have many traumatic episodes in your history.
I like body oriented therapies. You can actually get well. You can flip the switch from sympathetic arousal and hyper aroused parasympathy to friendly mellow parasympathy with high serotonin and low dopamine, the way you feel after a day swimming in the sea. You don't risk becoming a boor droning a trauma story in the false expectation that telling it often enough will somehow set you free. It has not been shown to do so. I've experienced relief from telling it to a good friend and had good friends experience relief upon telling me their story, but only when it comes about naturally and spontaneously. The only time telling it in therapy has really helped is when Ive needed support bearing strong grief; there is no magic in reciting the awful tale and being "validated". It is sad to see people bravely baring their souls in the believe they can be healed. It doesn't work and they become more and more determined to keep telling it until it does work. Then they become addicted to their story and you can see them drop into the sad face and pitiful posture as they get ready to recite the oft told tale, with dramatic pauses that cue you to say awww or something. It's degrading to participate in as listener or teller.
Of course religion does not help. Unhealed PTSD is attracted to rigid religion, because ptsd is a mind body split. Your spirituality will return as you heal trauma, deeper and richer. Trauma is considered an initiation into spiritual growth by some. In a sense we do die and are reborn when we feeeze in life threatening circumstances expecting injury or death.
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Body oriented therapies are the way to go. Do your own research. There are some fine self help methods out there. I like TRE. You can learn from a book. Peter Levine's books are must reads. Names to know are Alan Schore and Stephen Porges.
PTSD is treatable. It is possible to live well with PTSD, even if we cant aged the dx, this need not disable for life. We are forever changed by our experiences. It's called growing up. The symptoms of PTSD can reverse. It's unnecessary to stay stuck in hyperarousal.
Check out Mikal Vega. Google vital warrior. If a Navy Seal can reverse the effects of combat trauma with yoga and shivering. I think the rest of us have no excuse not to get well. It's a threatening notion for some, but its saved my life from preplanned carefully thought out suicide.
Be careful in communities of people who like to identify with PTSD. You can get some advice based on appropriate treatment for other diagnoses that can be a waste of time or even injurious to PTSD (as described by the current DSM). It comes of therapists who misuse "ptsd" in the same way "add" or "pms" get misused in everyday speech.
I've found that as I get better, and feel more sociable, I attract ptsd folk in 3d. We have radar. We recognise each other. I find I just feel good and safe, especially around ptsd men. I've found we just like to stand near each other. It's called limbic resonance. There is a lot of good in being as we have become, when we come off the ceiling and learn to balance ourselves. And we do. An awful lot of us do.