wow...I am so sorry you are struggling so much right now..but just looking at your story you can see the devastating effects of drugs and alcohol on a life. you can see how successful you can be without them. you can start your life over. it will be painful. the thing is, you only have to do it one step at a time. setting small goals for yourself. the first was getting out of that environment. I know that must of been painful letting go of someone you love, but it was destroying you. now you can move forward to a healthier life. surround yourself with healthier people who have your best interest at heart. then set small goals for yourself and work toward them. you will begin feeling better and better about yourself with each one you meet. good luck and take care.