I know for me, I really struggled with the forgiveness factor for a long time.

I consider myself to be a religious person and growing up Christian, it was always taught that a person needed to forgive in order to be forgiven, 7 times 70 times. I will always remember that number.

But the problem with that, is that we are only human. We can only do so much with the hurt that we have. So when I really stopped and looked at this, I brought it up in therapy knowing that my T was Christian. She was never afraid to talk with me about religion and I loved that about her. I said to her that I didn't know how to forgive the person that hurt me. That the hurt was so irreversible and did so much that I just couldn't see how forgiving that person, was going to do anything for me. And that I felt really guilty that I couldn't forgive this person because my religion was saying that I had to.

She put it into perspective for me in a way that alleviated so much suffering for me.

She told me that sometimes people do things that are unforgivable, or at least feel unforgivable to us. And rightfully so because sometimes some infractions are just too big. They're just too "bad". At that point, you have to give it to God and let it be between the person and their "maker". Basically, that some violations are too great that we have to let someone else do the forgiving. Big trespasses require big forgiveness. And that it could only come from God.

That made so much sense to me. I didn't feel like I was capable of forgiving the person who hurt me. I still don't think I am. I just don't have it in me. Because what that person did to me, was horrific and indescribable. I gave it to God.

I know that this may not resonate with someone who isn't religious or spiritual, but I just wanted to share what helped me. It alleviated so much suffering for me.

Like others have said, you need to grieve. It would be incredibly hard to forgive this T in the midst of ongoing court issues. The problem is very much still in your face, front and center. I think it would be wrong of anyone to expect that you forgive your T right now. Maybe someday, but not right now.