it is such a shame that our brain wont pay attention to the good things we have in our life. I have a very good life too yet I have no joy so I know where you are coming from. my pdoc just put me back on antidepressants hoping that would help me. my t is constantly bringing up the hospital. like that is going to help. I am sorry that you are struggling so. I am at least stable on my meds. I hope you find something that turns the corner for you. take care.