take care of yourself when you have depression and are caring for another depressive?

My husband was DX'd with Bipolar about a month ago. I really don't think that's what he is but we've been going through the side effects of Depakote. First, it wasn't enough, then it was waaaayyyy too much... and now, who knows.

He's milking the effects of the med as well as the DX for all it's worth. I'm having problems dealing with my own depression and feel that I need to stay on him to work through it. It's affecting ME! He doesn't seem to care... about me, about himself and about his own things! I'm quickly reaching the point of... what? ... I'm not sure. I just don't want to handle any of it anymore!

I have some self-care issues I need to attend to, but I wake up feeling frustrated and on edge. I try to be supportive to him but end up neglecting myself.

Right now, I'm feeling like I want to go beat on his door and yell at him to get his lazy *** up. Ha! It won't work. He'll just get mad and pout. So... I have to CONTROL MYSELF and be gentle and kind. Finding the right amount of firmness is going to be extremely difficult. I would just rather "let 'er rip"!!!!!!!!!!