My internet connection is very poor so any online based games and videos dont work unfortunately but thankyou for the suggestions. Cant walk, its pouring down with rain today.

I went to bed as that felt the safest place to be. I know thats a bad tick in the depression box, but I had started self harming and I need to get somewhere safe before it got out of hand. The urge is still there now. I am a bit obsessed with 18 stitches, but I dont want to ever need that many in one sitting. And I have no doubt they will keep me if I go to the ER needing that many.

The distress isnt as high now as it was this morning. But huge amounts of guilt and disappointment for not being able to continue with my plans for today.

I dont know what I am going to do if i wake up like this tomorrow. I am really not fit to be living on my own right now.