Thanks, Teacake. I will do some research based on your recommendations.

I have a real hate of my body which may complicate body-oriented therapy. I know that I've always been a shallow breather - partly due to allergies - and am aware that it is not good for my muscles and probably my brain. I really need to learn to breathe normally; deep breathing exercises seem unnatural and have led nowhere. I will have to do conscious breathing rather than leave it to my unconscious brain functions.

I was raised by a mother who never hugged or touched her kids. With me in particular she was very verbally abusive and emotionally neglectful. She was also very manipulative. This left me naïve and vulnerable to abuse from others which has happened repeatedly. I am just not worldly and was raised to follow instructions, which I try to do to the letter. When others do not play by those rules, which is increasingly the case, I don't know what to do. Having been victimized often because of this, a big part of my c-PTSD is seeking revenge. Which I cannot do. Now, I have a lot of pent up anger and no longer enjoy the company of others nor trust others. Also, because I am a rule follower, I am not a lot of fun. I rarely smile and have to rely on "conscious smiling" where I have to remind myself to smile in the presence of others. It just does not come naturally. Also, since I am so uncomfortable in the company of others, there is some self-sabotage going on. It's very complex. T's have failed to grasp at how bad the situation is. They are shocked at how I do not seem to respond favorably to any treatment, failing to understand that there is no substitute for lack of parental nurturing. Some have advised that I should nurture myself but I have no clue how and, quite frankly, I have found that to be very bad advice. It is not possible to nurture oneself. It is also not possible for T's to nurture patients.

I have been treated cruelly on several jobs and socially. I didn't know what to do. Few have wanted to date me - even when I was young, fit and had hair on my head. One T told me that, with my personality and looks, I am always going to face this type of rejection. Now, I isolate a lot. I am afraid to go out. My c-PTSD is always raging. Meds have not helped much. My physical health continues to deteriorate.