I am new here. I just got out of the hospital for an episode of mania and the doctor put me on a new med. I've been diagnosed with bipolar I, with psychotic symptoms, possibly schizoaffective. My doctor in the hospital told me I match most symptoms of schizoaffective because I have psychotic symptoms when not having a manic episode. I have them every day.

I can't take the new medicine. It is latuda and makes me feel like my skin is crawling. I am discontinuing (it's the weekend) and contacting my doctor Monday. I am going to continue my seroquel at my normal dose without tapering off like we had planned. The problem with the seroquel is I had the manic episode so they want me on a new medicine. Plus I'm having all the psychotic symptoms. I believe others can read my thoughts, can see what I'm doing on my phone, that there are cameras always watching me, my reflection isn't me but something evil that may hurt me (only at night). I live with a roommate and feel like she is always going through my stuff. Never found evidence of that. It's so hard to live this way.

I had really bad problems like this in college then got better. Then just had mostly bipolar symptoms. Just manic. But not severe. Went on for years (7). Worsened and worsened until I basically became a prostitute through a sugar daddy website. I would meet an older guy and have dinner them have sex with him and he would pay me ($200-$1000). So dangerous but I didn't care. I couldn't sleep and would stay up all night thinking about money. Thought this was the perfect plan. I was manic and felt on top of the world. I destroyed my relationship with the cheating. I didn't see it as cheating. So then I finally realized I needed to see a psychiatrist after I was raped.

And so now that I'm 30 I feel like my psychotic symptoms are bad, even on meds. But at least the mania stopped. As soon as I felt a little manic I went to the hospital. But with the seroquel I knew it wouldn't be full blown anyway because I could sleep. Anyway, I feel so lost in life. So much guilt from my past. I want a medicine that gets rid of the "crazy" stuff. The hallucinations (auditory and visual) and the thoughts. For a little bit I thought I would do something or something would take control of my body and do something bad after I heard a man's voice in my head say "I should have killed you when I had the chance" about my cat. I was terrified. I'm sure someone can relate. Hope this makes sense.