Hey everyone, I'm new here...
About myself, I'm 20 years old and I feel anger and depressed all the time. I tend to go mental at arguments and never watch for my words or actions. I also have cycstik fibrosis (a lungs disease) which only makes me more frustrated. I usually show people my happy & confident side when in fact I lack them both...

I can't tell what's wrong with me, but for the past 4 years I tend to get depressed from time to time. Sometimes I just lack in will of living, I start doing things slowly and feel like I'm worthless. I also have suicidal thoughts but I won't do anything since I start crying just thinking about it and how my twin sister would feel if I was gone.


Let me tell you a bit about my family..

My grandfather lives at united states (unlike my family). He comes to visit once every year. Usually tells me how worthless I am and how I'll never be like his son (my mom's step brother). When he asked me what I'm doing in the army he laughed at me and said I'll never acheive his rank. When asked how the gym was going, he had to compare me to his son and disrespect me (lol that's new). Oh and how can we forget the girls. He asked me how was I doing with the girls and when I replied "I'm doing pretty good actually" (had a girlfriend at the time when he last visited, but didn't tell anyone in my family) he replied "********" and started telling me how he could bring more girls than me at his age.

My father is a former drug addict. Been clean for the past 25 years (before my sisters and I were born). Never shows me any affections (been like that since I had quit soccer, about 4 years ago) so he probably sees me as a huge disappointment..Rarely texts me or asks me how my day went (if at all) unlike he does to all of my sisters..Whether I'm getting into an argument he's always sided with the other person, never backs me up.

My mother used drugs at the past aswell. Like my father, never sees my point of view and never takes my side. Yells at me quite a lot then manipulates me like I was doing something wrong. Treats me with no respect whatsoever. She also tells me once every two weeks that she's going to kick me out of the house.

Elder sister (28) livesalone. Not really in touch with her unless she comes over then we might chat a bit. She smokes weed and drinks probably everyday and she also dates a 20 year old guy (the same age as me) so yeah she's ****ed up.

Twin sister... oh boy where should we start. She has some serious anger management issues (just like myself but a little less worse). Been using drugs in the past, and also when she was a teen she used to get drunk a lot at night outs (been hospitalized twice because of it).

Little sister (17) has an addiicted to drugs and alcohol. Doesn't work nor study. Goes out everyday when she wakes up (at lunch time) and comes back at 12 am. She doesn't give crap about anyone in my family, she's very agressive and yells all the time (when she's at home). I personally have a bat besides my bed because I'm scared that she sometimes try to murder me while I'm asleep..


Anyways, I don't know what's wrong with me, just felt like taking this off my chest since I only have a few friends and I can't bother to share my feelings with anyone...