T knows that I struggle with my eating patterns, I don't have a specific eating disorder as I'm all over the place. I can binge one day, not eat the next one, last year I started purging occasionnally. One the whole it's not too bad, even though I tend to overeat and am overweight.

But over the last few weeks this has changed, I can't stand my weight anymore, so I started doing weigh ins almost every day. I restrict what I eat quite a lot, and I know it's unhealthy. Today I ate more, and I felt so guilty I had to make myself throw up...

I know I should tell T about this before it gets out of hand, but this is the frst time in years I've started losing weight. So part of me doesn't want to tell me until I'm no longer overweight... It's so difficult that what i want is not what would be right to do. Especially as I've signed a contract with T that I would actively work on any self-harming behaviours... and now I'm creating new ones, and on top of this I kinda like it! I'm betraying T, but being honest won't help me lose weight...