I will never live down going to hospital over this but i can barely move, the hysterical crippling crying is getting old. I just took a zyprexa wafer, not what i had planned for today, i am so disapppointed in myself i had everything set up to do well, I have so much good stuff to do why am i still like this? I've done EVERYTHING right, done everything i have supposed to have done to stay stable. As usual, its not enough, I dont even know why i bother trying so hard to be well because it comes back and bites me on the arse anyway.

Hospital will be when the cutting gets out of control or my support network takes me kicking and screaming, again. IF my ex finds out that would be the worst thing to happen.

I had such big goals and a couple of weeks in hospital is going to destroy them. Why do I even bother?