i really didn't think this was going to be a big deal. like i said he has had time off before. i guess it got to me a bit but i don't think it was a big deal. though i guess i would need to check the archives to be sure... but this is getting to me. a lot.

i guess he reminded me of it a lot. and he did keep saying that his wife was having a baby so he wouldn't know when his time off would start because it depended on delivery. i thought he kept telling me this to make sure that i understood that he wouldn't know when his time off was going to start. i think it might have been more that he was really excited about it though. i didn't tell him about p-doc who terminated me 'cause he got a promotion. p-doc who said 'i've been promoted :-) but it won't make any material difference to your care' at the same time as saying 'we won't be seeing each other anymore'.

he did keep saying that he wouldn't abandon me. but he also said that they were just words... but they were probably worth saying... but only time would show me...

i don't think it actually occurred to him until that session that this really was affecting me.

i've expressed anger to him before. he wasn't the object of the anger but i've expressed anger to him and he held it ok. don't know how he would go with holding that if he was the object of the anger, however.

i guess i was pissed in the last session. but i didn't say that i was angry with him, no.

but... i won't be emailing him. or phoning him. don't want to encroach on his life etc etc.

i really don't feel very well.