I'm really confused right now... I feel like all of you are making this into a bigger deal than it is. For now I'm still eating, much less than I used to, I try to eat more healthily, but I don't think it's too restrictive... and on the other hand part of me wishes I had an eating disorder so I losing weight would be easier. I know this absolutely messed up, but I can't help it...

Seems like every time I work on one issue, I come up with something else to self-destruct. Like I have to harm myself in some way, as I don't deserve anything else and living an healthy and happy life is just not an option for me and never will.