Hi, I read your message and I could have written it myself about a year ago.
When I met my T I had lost 17 kg purging and I still didn't like myself, I was always hurting everywhere from the throat to the stomach and wasn't good looking at all.

I really do understand where you are coming from, it makes sense somehow (NOT because the number on the scale is important or because that defines one's value, but because I've been there) and I still wish I could do it sometimes, in my worst days. But that's not the solution and healing is taking wayyy longer than I expected. And it does **** up your metabolism. I ended up gaining weight again, and without eating, and I was desperately trying to keep my weight down in the end. I don't want to scare you, I think that it is very important to discuss it with your therapist. I am sure she would want to know it and to help you through this. I wish you the best of luck, I think you are really brave and you do deserve it.