I still think you need to change more than the literal wording. I think it's wise to stay away from discussing anything using psychological theory with your T and be direct. If you have trouble talking then writing something up beforehand is a great idea. In any conversation, even with a therapist, you'll end up sounding like a text book using such terminology. It's not because your T or anyone on PC doesn't understand, but because it's not how most sincere human conversation really flows. At least not a productive one. IMHO, this would end up another circular, unproductive dialogue with your T, because as soon as you start delving into this to explain her behavior, a wall might go up.

So if you really want a change, whether it be by leaving this T or attempting to get her to understand you, then you need to make an effort to express yourself in a clear, non-confrontational way. Otherwise she will only get more defensive and the sessions will continue on as they are. The email you posted was perfect, so I'm curious why you would not want to use that?