well i went to see T. we talked about the homeless guy situation and why i didnt say no. cuz i wanted to say no but wanted to avoid confrontation. he brought up my fear of him dying and asked me what that means to me. he asked if i am afraid to care about new people in fear of them dying. i said i think a lot about people i know dying and feel like i wouldnt be able to handle it emotionally. but i couldnt answer if i avoid caring about new people because i just didnt know. then we talked about social anxiety and how i want to take online classes this semester. and about how i put my guard up around new people and also how i feel embarrassed about my mental illness. he said it was good to see me and i told him im glad he is feeling better.

we are gonna meet with pdoc on Thursday at noon.

i came home and fell asleep for 3 hours. now i have to go to work at 5 to 9 but they will probably ask me to stay til 9:30. but then im off tuesday and wednesday.