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You are not alone in these feelings of despair, do not think that for a second. I had similiar plans myself, at the beginning of July. My family was going away for six days for the fourth of July holiday, and I was going to stay home. I figured it would the PERFECT time, alone in the house, no one would even realize until it was too late...........

But I didn't do it. As much as I wanted to, as much as I wanted to just die and escape this misery and pain, I couldn't bring myself to pick up the knife. I ended up going with my family, and actually had more fun than I thought I would.

My point is that we all struggle with this feelings, and as long as we have these mental illnesses, there will be times when we think we may be able to pick ourselves up, and other times when we feel like we've had enough and we can't go on.

I asked you something in chat this week. You told me how you were feeling, and I said that, despite your depression, you were STILL here. I said there has to be a reason why you didn't go through with it, something inside you, even if it's just a TINY SPARK of hope, wants to live. If not, you wouldn't be here. Like I said, you need to reach out and try as hard as you can to hold onto that something, because it continues to save your life.

I know you have it in you, SS, you just need to find it. Once you do, never let it go. Hold onto it, because it is the most precious thing you will ever have.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't look for that boat as well, but I'm trying to take things day by day, holding out hope that eventually better things will come my way. I'm VERY glad you missed that boat, because I would miss you terribly. You have been so kind and supportive to me, and these boards wouldn't be the same without you.

I mean that.

I'll always be here for you, SS. I know you can beat this and be happy again, even if it takes time. I'll see you soon in chat, okay?

Take care and don't give up hope. I will pray for you.

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