It's so easy to get overwhelmed by the stuff that hasn't been done instead of doing what I can. For years I have put off going to college because I simply couldn't decide what to take, and then I thought it would be too overwhelming with my mental health stuff, but I could only ever thinking about going full time. I couldn't even consider allowing myself to go part-time; that just simply wouldn't be good enough.

People would tell me, just go and take one class at a time. And I would get anxious. No, no, I can't do that. I can't do that. It's too slow; I'll be 80 when I graduate. Yet here I am. I did that in the Fall and Spring semesters, and then took 3 courses this summer, which means that at the end of August I will have finished 1/8 of a degree. And I have to break down my English assignments because, quite frankly, they baffle me. I have to do the readings. Then think on them for a couple days, think about what ideas I want to expand on. Then reread it. Then begin the first draft. Then reread it again. And then just write everything I'm thinking out into one document, without editing or even thinking, I'm writing too much, too little, it's off-topic, etc. I don't think about that until I've written my entire first draft.

I usually give myself a break after that. I usually take many breaks during it. Then I put it away for a day. Then I will sit down and revise it several times, taking breaks in between paragraphs, rereading the text, until I am satisfied with it, then give it to my wife to read, tell me what she thinks, make some more revisions, and submit it. The whole process takes me a week. And that's just on a 250-500 word paragraph/essay.

So yeah. Break it up as small as you have to, and start wherever you have to start. Who knows? Maybe in the process of doing what you have to do, you will learn so much more than you did before. I think sometimes we do get caught up in the process of essays and theses - after all, they are a big deal and cause a lot of anxiety - but learning can be exciting.

I wrote my English midterm on Saturday. We only had 2 hours, going in cold without knowing what the source text was, having to write a form we haven't written yet. I was certain I was going to perform poorly. But I got my grade back last night: an A. I was flabbergasted. The funny thing is, the last thing on the source text was a note from the teacher: "Most of all, relax and have fun writing the essay." When I saw that the first time, I almost laughed; have fun?? Writing in these conditions?? Yeah right! But I did have fun.