Forwardinreverse, I've studied into this a lot, and there is hope for you. Find a therapist who does psychodynamic therapy and talk to him/her on the phone first. A good therapist will lead you to the discovery of your true self. As you talk about yourself, with the T's competent help, you go through the events that caused you too lose yourself and seek it through helping others. Of course, helping others is good, but only after you've helped yourself first to find yourself and feel a sense of fullness. Then, it's the overflow which lets you help others in a healthier way.
It's especially discouraging when a therapist doesn't work out (I've been through a few myself) but your best chance , in my opinion,for dealing with this deep issue is to give it another try with a better therapist.