I did reply, but I think it's stuck in moderation (but now I'm past the # being moderated, so if I end up with a double post... oops?).

I used to be like NO on ECT, but I'm pretty desperate to try anything at this point. I have tried mood stabilizers and Abilify only ended up giving me insomnia and high anxiety I've been on, all in all, well over a dozen medications. I end up with "fun" side effects and no benefit.

The thing is, it's not even really recurrent depression. Depressed is my baseline normal and I can get worse, but I can't get better. My best friend says my good days look a lot like her bad days and she's right.

bigblackdog - thanks I ended up having to wean because I had a low supply (he lost weight at his six month visit - significant weight) and the pumping/supplementing was making me worse, not better. It was such a punch in the gut because, like you, I was holding on through the nursing, but when he lost weight, I ended up at a doctor that was really inconsiderate to me (using words like "starving" to describe my child and telling me that our primary doc was probably just trying to pass me off because she didn't want to deal with me - I had no idea, I'd been taking him to his well baby visits - after that I cried for days until I could get to a IBCLC/RN. My regular doc btw was horrified that the other doc had said those things to me).

Once he switched to formula, I actually was able to start going back to regular therapy - I live in the middle of nowhere so everything is a far drive. That's been a benefit even if it isn't a cure. I value my therapist a great deal (because who doesn't love a great therapist LOL).