I really don't see the point. Not anymore. I have done everything I could in recent months to fight off those damn suicidal urges. And I did this for my boyfriend. I tried so hard for him to stay on this planet. I kept reaching out when I knew I couldn't keep myself safe anymore. And for what? He doesn't even want me living with him anymore. He doesn't even know if he wants us to be a couple. And to be told this when I was in hospital....how was that supposed to help? It just doesn't seem worth it anymore. Nothing does. I don't want a life that doesn't involve him. Why keep fighting?