Feel like a yo-yo about to break, most the time. A tired, old yo-yo. One of those wooden ones. Lol Does that even make sense? I battle whether or not to continue to be hopeful which sounds terrible but I am just so tired. I love the days I feel great, elated, on top of the world. I feel like I can do anything, finally am out of the dark, have beaten this BUT the funny part is I know in the back of mind it's not actually true. I get all these awesome ideas and energy to do everything. Then, the inevitable happens. My greatest fear: What goes up, must come down. The drop is the worst. That period you feel invincible, then something takes a pin and puts a hole in your balloon. It doesn't pop though, sometimes, but most the time over a course of a couple minutes, hours, days, varies, it just slowly deflates. Then your balloon is just on the ground. Laying there, flat. And the period of no way else to describe, shall I call, Depths of Despair, continues on. I wish my balloon would stay even just somewhat inflated. To be stable...I feel I will never know what that feels like, nor means.