Parker10,

I am purposely not looking at any other responses here, because I am only trying to state, in my own words, what it is like to have BPD, and especially when it relates to b&w thinking.

As I have thought further, it is I who should have said to myself; Whoa, whoa, whoa... not to you!

This is a perfect example of projecting either to the black or to the white. It is so hard to explain, because with each piece of new information I (can and may) add to the thought - be it reality (actual cold, hard facts) or from within my own perception (often reality skewed), it will change my point of view, yet still be black or white. Know what I mean?

For instance, my first reaction was to "misinterpret" some (or all) of what you said. I take that perception and run with it - either to the positive or "white" (incredibly rare) or to the negative or "black" (most common) - for me.

For each NEW piece of information comes a whole new set of thoughts, again, either black or white. This cycle seems never-ending...

As for being confused? Don't worry!!! We are way more confused about the whole concept of black and white (because we live with it and don't always recognize it) as you are in trying to understand it!

I don't mean to disrespect you in any way whatsoever. Most of my reactions may seem intelligent at the moment, but with further meditation, comes deeper insight. Thank goodness, there are other points of view to read...

Black and white thinking is not as simple as being black and white (although one may think it should be so - it would certainly make things much more easier to deal with).

Anyway, there is a reason why many professionals tend to shy away from treating borderlines - we just keep projecting in black and white, but in many, many different perspectives. THIS always seems to create much confusion, and with that comes much mistrust, and mostly within ourselves. These will even wax and wane between each person in our lives. One moment, I may trust you completely; the next, I will become paranoid because that view has swung from, well, either black to white, or vice-versa.

One thing I do believe about those who actively seek out help is that they are cognisant of these swings and are trying desperately to find balance. Some, unfortunately, take longer to find out about their behaviour patterns, if they do at all!

At least you have the "knowledge" to help you decifer these complex cycles, and hopefully, you have the capacity to empathize as well as remain objective (so hard to do at all times), especially when you are in a situation that is, to a great extent, beyond your personal control (and of course, this is your family!)

Love your Grandchildren as much as you can. Be their rock, if at this time, their parents cannot be. Of course, it will be a battle - it will always be a battle - but the best thing for those kids is to see good examples - most especially examples that are grounded - or solid.

The greatest thing that children have is the ability to know "truth" when it is in front of them, and, hopefully, as consistently as possible.

Take them under your wing for a while. Watch them. When they are confused, talk to them openly. Good morals, no matter how simple the mind, always resonates! I love that about children - I miss that part of my childhood...

The best way is to do this "under the radar." You do not have to influence by great scenes. Often, it is the softer voice that is heard.