Hello, I'm new to this concept of chatting with people on a forum and it actually makes me a little uncomfortable but I feel like I need a little outlet and people who understand. As a teenager I was prone to burning myself or letting other people burn me. Never did I think of it as self injury due to anxiety or depression but looking back on it now it really was.

I've had a really rough year. In the grand scheme of things it's really not TERRIBLE, no deaths or injuries, but I'm a 32 year old mother of two young kids and the wife to a person with alcohol abuse issues who is very much in denial. We had some incidents where he put my kids in bad situations after heavy drinking and since then I've been spiraling. On New Years, 14 years after burning myself, I broke down and cut myself. I knew what I was doing and why I was doing it but I wanted to because I wanted to see what it was like and see how it felt. The problem was, as it always is, that it turned into my outlet for releasing anger and sadness.

Tonight I hit the wall. Fortunately couldn't find anything to cut myself with and went outside and sat in the lawn. I must have looked like a crazy person - oh wait, I am crazy. I took some time and calmed down and felt a little less like I was vibrating - that's the best way I can describe how I feel when I get into this mood.

I guess I'm just at a loss. I've talked to counselors and psychologists; I'm on medication but feel like nothing is working. I feel like the root of my depression is my husbands drinking and I know that I so desperately want out but with 2 kids it's not an easy decision.

I know this isn't an issue that is exclusive to me so what do other people do to deal with the desire to injure themselves? How to people deal with spouses that are alcohol abusers? Feel like sharing?