Thankyou so much for the words of encouragement and support.

I have settled down a bit now thanks to a fair amount of SH and 2 days of zyprexa and benzos. Someone got my dad involved so he came down and blasted me for accidently skipping my meds the other day, it was a simple mistake, one I have only made twice before and considering all I have on my plate at the moment anyone could have forgotten. But I got in so much trouble. Hours of yelling and threatening to be locked up and threatening to call the police. A friend stayed with me that night but didnt stop the SH, Im slashed up a bit. I havent done that in ages but it felt like the only way I could let the angry manic energy out - and I do feel more calm now.

My family do not handle me well at all and with their own health problems I wanted to keep them out of it. So the person who called them is really in the bad books now. I am very very good at holding grudges. Everytime they find out I am sick their first reaction is to yell at me for it. So not helpful. I would have brought them into it had my support network of friends not been enough but my friends were doing a supurb job.

So my dad was down here this morning and helped me with my chores, I went for a ride on my horse but not sure if she was picking up on the mixed episode as we had a few bucks, I gave her a bath, now I've just had lunch and preparing to spend the afternoon being mindful and cooking so I have enough food to freeze for days I cant cook.

I feel slightly better than I did the other day but still pretty crappy. I am glad I got passed the worst without hospital but it was an absolute mess of a few days. And if I had a surefire way to end it, I would. I just dont want to end up worse off.

Thanks again for the support, it helps more than people know.