Quote:
Originally Posted by Supanova
So I just broke up with my partner 2 weeks ago. It was a mutual decision, we both thought it was for the best. My therapist and I had talked about it before it happened and she believed I would make it through without it triggering depression or a mixed episode which has been really prevalent since I got the mirena inserted.
I am doing all I can to stay stable. I have plenty to keep me occupied. I have some big goals to work towards and I am keeping a healthy diet and good sleep routine. I have a decent support network but it has been harder without the boyfriends support.
But there are days I want to give up. Today I feel completely overwhelmed. I do not want to end up in hospital again. That to me would be the biggest failure. But I really feel unsafe today.
I am filled with this angry manic energy, huge amounts of self loathing and agitation, yet I feel so low and having many of my physical depression symptoms (lethargy, nausea, lack of appetite, zero motivation etc).
I have distractions, but I get so frustrated with them. I cant enjoy a shower as my hot water doesnt work, meditation leads to suicidal idealation, I feel too physically ill for the bike or yoga. Maybe I just need to push myself more but I am so worried I will just snap and do myself some damage.
Any suggestions or words of support? I guess I am really stuck right now. Thanks in advance.
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I am crying right now, literally, for you. I completely understand how you are feeling and feel the same way frequently as I am still figuring a medication regime after back to back pregnancies, not being able to be on regular meds. Anyway, you are stronger than what you are feeling right now, and you know you are. Just reading that you know you have goals and have distractions and something to look forward to, your big goals, is a beautiful way of keeping your mind set to keep going, to be strong, and NOT give up. This period will pass and time will heal, you know that. It's cliche but true. Please do not harm yourself, I had a few months back (self injury) , and felt worse afterwards in the long run. It's so easy to fall back on but you know as well as I do it's only temporary relief.
I hope this helps even a little. I am no therapist, and still figuring out myself, and in pain a lot of the time right now, trying to get everything back on track myself. But I know this, you are strong and I am strong, and we can all get through this life 'together', as we all have this common ground to live with, which is comforting. Hugs.