This doesn't sound so crazy to me. I think that the urge to cut come from a need to release overwhelming feelings. I agree with you that you want to share these feelings with your T. You just don't know how to put those feelings into words yet. You can't name them so you naturally resort, in you mind, to a coping style that worked for you before. I think you should tell your T about your fantasy. He can help you put those feelings into words. I am struggling with urges to cut but never cut as a teen. So I am trying to figure out why now, as a mature adult this is emerging as a coping style. In a way I am struggling with the same thing you are because I am trying so hard to put this frustration into words. It took me many weeks to bring this up to my T but yesterday I felt strong and shared my feelings. It was a good decision because after all if we can't speak to our Ts than what's the point?