thanks mj, emily and fuzzy. i don't know how to deal with this. I don't know how to not sink back into the hole of depression. I spoke with her dad a bit ago and they may decide to ship her to children's hospital several hours away. I don't know how to do any of this. It isn't fair. I lost a child 5 years ago and I just can't see my friend's having to go there after all they have been through. I can't see us losing the wonderful gift of this child's life. I can't imagine helping my daughter through it. I am not usually so negative, would have hope. Might tomorrow but they knew another kid who had the exact same thing and died. Harder to fight with the transplant and all. I am so sad. I want to scream. Want to punch something. Want to be there and not leave her side. Want to make her laugh. It just sucks and I can't deal tonight.