wow...I too have been handcuffed and know how violating that feels. it was by a pdoc I had just met though, not somebody I trusted. it must be worse for you. I also know what it is like to feel like you are cheating on t. my t wasn't doing anything to address my anxiety so I sought help from others. I finally had to leave him because I realized he was not in my best interest. we had been together 3 years. he made me feel safe and secure but he never called me back either and he wasn't meeting my needs. now I have a terrific t and I was floored when I left a message at midnight when she was on vacation and I got a text from her 2 hours later asking me if I wanted her to call me. she was in another time zone and had picked up messages. I felt so special and cared about. I have no doubts she would return me messages right away though we never talked about it. she meets my needs better than old t ever did in all the time we spent together. I am so glad I got brave enough to switch. you can always go back if it isn't working out. take care.