I feel like such an idiot. This is the most stupid disease/illness/whatever ever "invented", this depression. Mine has become so ridiculous at this stage that it's laughable. I have been given so many signs to show me how to be more happy but it's like I just can't do it. It's like there is an anchor tied to my backside, or I'm cuffed to a bed or something. It's hard to explain. It's just that lack of ability or will to reach out and grab the things available. It's like someone giving you the winning numbers to the lottery beforehand, telling you to go play it because you WILL win, and then you deciding not to do it anyway, because you just can't get out of bed or face the woman at the ticket counter. This is how I feel every day, all the answers are there, they are staring me in the face, but I just can't "take" them and use them like I should. I know exactly how to be happy, where it lies, but I convince myself that I don't. I even say to myself "Is it really worth it to have all those things?". This is how I convinced myself out of having more money already, a loving relationship, a healthier body, a better appearance, a happy career, even a closer relationship with God. This is so debilitating, it's unbelievable .