Hi my.lacerated.heart,
Re this: "It was hard to explain to him or anyone that I hurt myself not because I wanted to feel something but because......." I'd say you've explained it very clearly here although sometimes people either don't or don't want to get it. Sometimes a little more explanation can help.......sometimes people need a little time to come to understand/accept.........sometimes you need to look for people who are more understanding/supportive.
Still if the relationship you were in ended because he felt you were too messed up, then it clearly wasn't the kind of relationship you needed in your life. And really good you moved on from that.
Sometimes activities/distractions can help, but not if that means all you're doing is trying to ignore/"bottling up" your feelings. Then either the activity isn't going to be that helpful, or your feelings are just going to build up and up and up inside of you...........whether they're emptiness....hopelessness......despair........pain.......Often, as you know, it can take a lot more than an activity.
But the relationship you're in now sounds pretty strong.....and if you've been together for seven years...........do you think you could maybe start to tell him bits of what you're going through?? Just bits?? All at your own pace?? And maybe some things he could do to help?? Or even just give him a chance to be there for you, in the most "comfortable" way for you??
Alison