I know what you mean sometimes, when I'm well, I miss my depression. I think missing something so negative is part of the process of acceptance. Depression will always be part of my life and, at times, suicidal thoughts will be there too. They have become part of my identity, so I feel "undressed" without them. Hopelessness and futility are such consuming emotions and without a way out they can feel overpowering, but suicidal thoughts are exhausting too so I do hope that not having those thoughts is a sign that you are a little better.