my mom..just that word alone makes me feel ...tired. She is a smoker and a brand spanking new alcoholic...yey...my mother devised an immaculate plan....take away my esteem...my independency...to create an attaching child who she could torment and abuse for fun. If she got mad at me i faced my belongings thrown out the window..in the trash or broken...alot of memories gone that way...she also used to take my toothbrush and scrape in a dirty area like the bottom of the toothbrush cup holder is....where all the saliva and water dripped down....but the thing that i would say is the worst...she used her title to hurt me....she would be soo sweet and nice...talking to me being there for me...saying she loved me ...and as a kid i wanted that out of my mother..so i let my guard down...felt enoromus guilt for hating my "wonderful" mother and doing everything i could to make her happy...which would last all of about two seconds...then when i was fully at her mercy because i loved her she would scream at me and do horrible things. I dont know how she did this..but she used to get me upstairs when the family was over to the house...id go upstairs because she would argue with me and id go upstairs...well she would take that time to tell the family lies about me...how i threatened to kill her...how i rule the house...i do nothing ...and i get stuck with wrong timing...they would see i was up in my room because of a fight...they would see my room wasnt clean..things were smashed..and everyones mind concluded she was right...they never asked me what happened...always assumed...so all the neighbors who knew i existed thought i was evil....and that my parents were saints keeping me in their house...but all that time i never thought they were as smart as they were....but now i have to give them credit...while doing all of this they took away my independency...took away my knowledge...i dont know how to pay bills...drive a car properly...i shudder at taxes..was almost arrested because they took my w2 forms and never helped me until the state saw i was a minor...i dont know how to cook...i cant clean properly...all i know how to do ..is live under someone elses roof...but they cornered me their home abused me stripped me of everything..my mother even threw my baby book (baby pictures) at me..she didnt want them..now i have them...i never hear i love you unless its that time to play mother daughter..she allowed me to drink alochol aas much as i wanted and offered to do drugs with me as well as told me to go cut ...more or less creating more dependency....has keep my birthcertificate..i was only allowed in certain rooms..she told me when to eat and how much to eat...what to drink...told me when to take a shower...would shut the water of in midshower ....the sad part is ...i love my mother for the part she pretended...i konw she pretended but she still has my heart there...its all weak and trying to hold on to that even though its bruised and wilted but i hold on to that no matter how many times she says im a mistake or she wishes id never been born. She even refers to the time where she tried to kill herself when she was pregnant with me...and to this day no matter how much she hates me i still try to protect her from my real father...i wont let him go near her or talk to her..i hate her...and i hate him...but for some reason they were slightly successful in what they wanted to create.
love, Inny...sorry for the rant..BUT you asked...