Hi Nightworld1066. I really hope you can get over this. Comparing yourself to others is dragging you down, and that's not going to get you in shape for life. I can't say I know, but it sounds like your parents just want you to have a job to be self-sufficient and happy. I personally don't like taking help from others, but I have relied on others for things, and everyone does sometimes. You sound like someone who doesn't like taking help from others, and that's really respectable, although it's hard on yourself. It's really the only thing to do once and awhile. Many people struggle these days, and its understandable. Believe it or not, taking advantage of that help is best for both you and the person helping. If you didn't receive that help, than you may be in a worse place and that person may be so much more upset otherwise. It's for the best to take help when needed.

Also, when comparing yourself, you say that you know people who have gone to university and have jobs? Thousands upon thousands of people move on to a university and have jobs, so it's not unique. It also takes work and dedication to do so. They most likely didn't do so much work in order to appear impressive. They probably just did what made them happy, and I'm sure it has its downsides as well. Lots of work, not letting up, people expecting more from them, etc. They probably did something or study towards something they like or love. Plus, some people wait for years before they go to school again or change jobs. It's not unusual for someone to change their career halfway through their life. It's because it was best for them. Life's a journey.

What about you? What will make you happy? Would you like to go to school to? If you do, please don't do it to impress anyone. I made that mistake before, and had to learn what I really want to do with my life. I realized working towards a goal means actually distancing yourself from others somewhat. Many people you know now, impressive or not, will have changed in even a few years time.

Everyone has to apply to work sometime, so you're in the same boat as a lot of people. I was there not too long ago, and didn't even know where to begin. There is a lot of advice online for applying for work and sending applications and resumes. I would even recommend going for work that would be easy on you now and even if it doesn't fully cover your expenses, it's a start. That's experience, which is a list you should build up all throughout your life. I've found that people hiring don't care so much where you've been, but where you are now and how good a worker you are.

Also, if you'd like to start college, that's a great idea to help yourself. If you feel you can't afford it, I'd recommend talking to your local college's financial aid. I couldn't afford it at all, not even a tiny bit, but it turns out they can help pay for a lot of your expenses including the ones outside of school if you need it. That's why a lot of students don't work during school, or at least have an easy part-time job that doesn't fully cover expenses. Especially if your parents can't help pay for school. With financial aid, be completely honest with how little you can afford school. The way they see it, a student going to college is more important to the economy than one not, after all.

I don't want you to feel you need to give up. PLEASE seek all the support you can. Can you attend therapy? It can do you wonders, although it can be hard at first to be open with yourself. I can understand that the phone hotlines don't have people who know you, and please keep this in mind when looking for support. Be honest about how you feel. Getting rid of yourself will affect the people in your life drastically for the rest of their lives, and you won't be there to tell them it's all right. It will bring everyone down, and cause them to lose hope. Please show them that even someone who has hit rock bottom can climb back up. Trust me, the view from the top of the hole of depression is a million times different from at the bottom.

I wish you the best. Take care.