Hello everyone, I think this might be a really long story since this happened when I was younger and even though it has been awhile I still can't get over it. Whenever I think back to my elementary age, I just become so depressed.

If most of you guessed, a bullied victim, yes, you are correct. I was bullied up until grade 10. It all started when I entered grade 1, I guess it is because I was a easy victim, since I knew limited amount of english and I did not know how to articulate my words into proper sentences. For some reason there were older students in my grade 1 class (I guess they failed or something) I forgot to give them a show in tell item and they told the teacher on me, insulting me and saying that I purposely did not give them the item. Whenever they had a chance, they would always berate me and made fun of me behind my back like I can not understand them.

They eventually stopped because, thankfully, they did not go into grade 2 with me, but this was where my personality changed. I was already an awkward child, but I could still hang out with my classmates playing shark and tag until this one incident; one of my classmates younger cousin pushed me because I did something to him (might have said something offensive, keep in mind, my english was still limited and I probably just said what was on my mind, very straight forward attitude) and when the teachers became involved all my classmates turned on me and said I was a bad child, I did this and that. I could not even defend myself in front of the principal because it was everyone against myself. The only one who believed me was my esl teacher.

Throughout the rest of the year I became extremely reserved and stopped speaking to everyone. This was also the result from my chinese school, my teacher was really rude, especially to me, she labels me dumb and calls me out in class claiming that I was busy picking my nose and was not paying attention to her(Dude, I was scratching my nose). Really, everyone that I met always assumes the worst in me and this was when I was only 7. My chinese teacher thinks I am not worthy of sitting next to a smart, capable student and even my english teacher thought I was cheating on a test when I can't even look that faraway.

Everything turned for the worst when I entered grade 3. I had a friend that I trusted a lot in but she got the who grade against me, even kids from other grades to offend me. I should have known it would happen though, it was my fault because I couldn't keep my mouth shut. I called this one girl out, because she cheated off my sheet and blamed everything on me to the teacher when our teacher looked at our paper. I thought I could trust my friend since I was basically just ranting to her saying she was F*** b**** etc etc (I don't even remember where I learned that sort of language, I think it was maybe from my older sister's guy friends). Everything just exploded when she told the school, I bet everyone and their parents knew about it. I distinctly remember these two kids telling another kid who had been gone from school for awhile to not associate with me because I was rude and mean. I couldn't even eat my lunch without the same kid, calling me the exact same words whom I ranted to my friend. My depression worsen day by day and people only berated me more, until I couldn't take it anymore. It was my first attempt on suicide and my last because I was so scared and shaken when I held that knife to my stomach.

Eventually I did the unthinkable... I used one of my friend who stood by me as a scapegoat. I started calling him names along with his younger sister, like any younger sibling would do. We made fun of him when we were walking back home and talked about younger siblings issues. It hurts me so much... Why would I even resort to this... why was I so desperate and selfish and an asshole.... Up till middle school, I still could not cope with my depression and constant bullying from my classmates... I was always worried about losing my new friends because of the word spreading around about me, from the rich kids who carries phones, the word about me spreads pretty quick. Because of this bullying incident...I have trust issues, I am a extremely bitter person, I am a angry person....I just...don't know how to stop feeling this way.... I want to get over this, but thinking back to what I did to my friend I hurts so much...