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madmusican said:

so tough and so alone. my own stupid fault for allowing someone in again. better to be alone than to keep getting hurt

i am so alone, but i think it will be better in the long run, at least i cant get hurt again

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((((((((madmusician))))))))))))) I could have written your post at any one time up until about this week. It's not a nice place to be. I especially relate to what you said up there ^ about it being better to be alone then to keep getting hurt. That's my thought as well, something that I bring into all my relationships with people. If I think they're going to leave, force them to leave myself or hurt them before they hurt me. (not saying you do that, but this is what I do)

Don't give up. I know it's hard and it hurts to be alone and it hurts when someone leaves or hurts us, but its going to hurt more if you decide to be alone forever.

I don't really have any advice, but I hope you're able to cry soon - I know that can help, I hope you're feeling even a bit better soon as well.

Please take care of yourself, you really are important.